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for tomorrow might just be better - Malvika

I carry this weight,

A hundred invisible bricks on my shoulders,

an ache in my heart & a thousand tonnes of iron resting heavy on my chest sinking my soul as I struggle to sail through life.

There's a quick sand in my stomach

A wormhole of emptiness

Pulling me at the oddest of hours

My toxic companion

She keeps me up

Silently she waits

Clawing on every opportunity

To bring me down

Depression is my invisible companion

For no one sees the pain

Nothingness that is only felt

I wake up wishing I hadn't

Mental exhaustion before I begin my day

Can I please just go back to sleep?

Yet I go on to drag my feet

across the hallway with a toothbrush in hand

To live the world's definition of a productive day

I put on a smile & focus on the little things,

The ones that are at least "ok" for now

Doing the things that once gave me joy

To help my neurons fire some serotonin (if that is even the reason)

They say keep trying. They say don't give up.

But no one seems to know how long is it that I need to try?

Recovery is a random wave equation

superimposed on e^x

with a constant called hope

And I will keep hoping no matter how long it takes

for tomorrow might just be better.

I shiver as I post this picture taken after a massive breakdown for I'm filled with fear of how people may perceive me. But I need to spread awareness & break the stigma. I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with depression & have been gathering the courage to do this for months now. I'm recovering & way better than I used to be but I still have terrible days. This is my sincere request for acceptance towards everyone that suffers from any mental illness, especially on the days we are struggling because every kind word helps us even if it's only by 0.1% & every bad one pulls us down by 30%. TALK to them, ENCOURAGE them to seek help, don't spill shame and tell them it's okay not to be okay. LEND A LISTENING EAR, help them feel safe talking to you.

Let's change the statistics that says: We lose a life to suicide every 40 seconds ❤
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