I carry this weight,
A hundred invisible bricks on my shoulders,
an ache in my heart & a thousand tonnes of iron resting heavy on my chest sinking my soul as I struggle to sail through life.
There's a quick sand in my stomach
A wormhole of emptiness
Pulling me at the oddest of hours
My toxic companion
She keeps me up
Silently she waits
Clawing on every opportunity
To bring me down
Depression is my invisible companion
For no one sees the pain
Nothingness that is only felt
I wake up wishing I hadn't
Mental exhaustion before I begin my day
Can I please just go back to sleep?
Yet I go on to drag my feet
across the hallway with a toothbrush in hand
To live the world's definition of a productive day
I put on a smile & focus on the little things,
The ones that are at least "ok" for now
Doing the things that once gave me joy
To help my neurons fire some serotonin (if that is even the reason)
They say keep trying. They say don't give up.
But no one seems to know how long is it that I need to try?
Recovery is a random wave equation
superimposed on e^x
with a constant called hope
And I will keep hoping no matter how long it takes
for tomorrow might just be better.
I shiver as I post this picture taken after a massive breakdown for I'm filled with fear of how people may perceive me. But I need to spread awareness & break the stigma. I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with depression & have been gathering the courage to do this for months now. I'm recovering & way better than I used to be but I still have terrible days. This is my sincere request for acceptance towards everyone that suffers from any mental illness, especially on the days we are struggling because every kind word helps us even if it's only by 0.1% & every bad one pulls us down by 30%. TALK to them, ENCOURAGE them to seek help, don't spill shame and tell them it's okay not to be okay. LEND A LISTENING EAR, help them feel safe talking to you.
Let's change the statistics that says: We lose a life to suicide every 40 seconds ❤